This week (April 19-25th) is National Infertility Awareness Week, which is a movement sponsored by RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association to help spread awareness about infertility in the US. To celebrate this week and bring awareness to something that has played a huge role in my life, I will be posting often about my journey with infertility, my thoughts on this disease, and my prayer for those in the midst of this lifelong struggle.
Did you know that infertility affects 1 in 8 couples?
When we set out on the journey to start our family 25 months ago, we had no idea the road that was ahead of us. We had no idea the trials and tribulations that would come with this time in our lives. We were completely unaware that infertility affected so many lives and that we would be part of those statistics.
Did you know that over 6.7 million women, ages 15-44 have impaired ability to get pregnant or carry a baby to term (that's 6% of all women in that age group)?
It's a tough pill to swallow. I began this blog (Month 10) after we had been trying for a little under a year and the hurt that I experienced during that first year was real and raw and rocked me to my core. I asked questions like "why me?" and questioned God's every move.
I remember looking at the paperwork at the doctor's office when they first referred me to get blood work done to check my hormones... "infertile" read the reasoning at the top. It was the first time I had actually considered that I might not be a mom. It took my breath away to read those words on that paper, it was like a big ugly monster staring back at me, mocking me and laughing in my face. It was a label I didn't ask for and one that I refused to define me. But I let it...I let it get the best of me at times. But let's be honest, how could it not? As a woman, my body was made to carry a child and the fact that my body was not allowing me to do that, felt like I was not a woman at all. I felt incapable of doing something that seemed so easy for so many. And as I watched the people around me become pregnant and have happy and healthy pregnancies, I couldn't help but question why my body hated me and why God chose this path for our family.
My heart breaks with the over 6 million women are feeling or have felt those exact same feelings, with the women that will face infertility in the next year, and those that are still seeking answers along their journey.
But today I am also filled with a different feeling. This week one year ago, I went to the doctor for the first time and was given that mean, ugly, label of "infertile" and I saw it as a death sentence. Over the past two years I have struggled to come to terms with the plan that God has given me. In fact, a year ago at this time I was pretty angry at life, angry at those around me that didn't seem to know (or care), angry at God for allowing this to happen to me, and mad at myself for feeling so angry in general. There have been times I have screamed at God, I have cried crocodile tears into my pillow countless nights, and I have rejoiced in small victories along the way. But as I look back on this journey of infertility and how it has changed me (What my Battle with Infertility Taught Me about Myself), I am so grateful for this exact path that God has laid before me. He always knows what He is doing, and I am a poster child for wanting to control His each and every move but His plan is perfection.
You see, each and every tear, each and every doctor's appointment, each and every prayer and plea, each and every victory along the way has led me to this exact moment. This moment where I feel complete peace and joy in the journey. The moment where I know that I will be a mom.
We have chosen adoption for our family...well really adoption chose us and perhaps that's the reason I feel such joy but I know that adoption has a whole new twisty path for us. I know that it's going to be tough and that there will be heartache along the way. But I also know that my God is a Big God who answers prayers and who has never let me down. And I know that He's got this battle too.
Statistics from: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/infertility.htm
