Greetings friends! I know it's been a while, but please bear with me as I update you on our family happenings!

But for now...

Today I say goodbye to my twenties and HELLO to my thirties! It's pretty crazy to me to think about the fact that my twenties are done and over with and I am on to the next decade of my life. In fact, if you've spoken to me over the past six weeks or so, you would know that I was dreading this day! However, as the actual day approached, I started thinking about all of the amazing things that happened in my twenties and began to realize that my thirties are a new opportunity; an opportunity to write a new chapter in this book of life and I am so ready to take it on!

To kick start this new decade of my life, I decided to create a "bucket list" of sorts for my thirtieth year of life. My goal is to accomplish all of these things during the next 365 days and I plan to document my journey! Don't worry, I promise to post more than that (see #6) and can't wait to share with you what God is working on in our lives! Until then...

Thirty Things I Want to Accomplish in my Thirtieth Year of Life:
#1: Run a half marathon in 3 hours or less. (Nashville time was 3:08)
#2: Run three half marathons in 3 different states.
#3: Become a Nationally Board Certified teacher
#4: Mentor a student teacher
#5: Get my first tattoo
#6: Start blogging again :)
#7: Be active as a ministry coordinator at church with Joe
#8: Go kayaking
#9: Take my cheer team to state
#10: Visit Waco, TX and Magnolia Farms
#11: Get better at golfing and/or not get frustrated when golfing!
#12: Go hiking as a family
#13: Enjoy cooking more
#14: Less social media time!
#15: Drink more water and less Diet Coke
#16: Use my nice camera more/take more pictures
#17: Teach Colton something new
#18: Go parasailing
#19: Give back to the Children's Hospital of Illinois
#20: Go to a Cubs game (or 5)
#21: Read the entire Harry Potter series
#22: Go to Vegas
#23: More carrots, less donuts!
#24: Build a sandcastle on the beach
#25: Finish an entire TV series on Netflix
#26: Paint master bedroom
#27: Daily quiet time
#28: Go on a spontaneous road trip
#29: Stop trying to please everyone
#30: Feel more comfortable in my own skin

There ya have it, friends! Can't wait to share my journey with y'all! Here's to a fabulous year and an even more fabulous decade ahead of me!
T :)

My broken heart...

October 22, 2015

Psalm 107: 28-30 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven. 

What a whirlwind the past 48 hours have been! Joe and I are finally at a point where we can update you all on Colton. 

Colton's surgery was scheduled for Tuesday afternoon at 12 noon. We spent the entire morning cuddling and watching movies, because we had to stop feeding him at 2am so we had a very fussy baby. His IV started leaking so we had to re poke him when he was hangry! Surgery came down at 11 to get him and it all happened really fast. We walked down to the surgical floor and Joe and I are were able to go back to the pre-op room with him. We held him and cuddled him all the way up until they were ready to take him back. I rocked him and we talked to him. We cried a lot but Colton was content! 

Surgery started around 12:05 and was done by 3:30! The doctors were really pleased with the repair and said he came off of bypass really well. They brought him up to PICU and we were able to see him shortly after. I felt like I was prepared to see him, as I looked at many pictures of heart babies after surgery so I felt like I knew what to expect, but honestly, nothing prepares you to see your baby in that state. He was puffy and hooked up to  tons of IVs and machines, but we were assured it was all normal. We kissed his hand and told him how brave he was and we went to watch the Cubs game in the waiting room. 

The doctors told us that the first 24 hours after surgery would be the hardest, as this would be the time that Colton would tell us if he was able to tolerate the stress of surgery. We felt prepared for what was to come. 

At about 10:15 or so on Tuesday night, Joe and I had settled in his room and prepared for little to no sleep but we wanted to be as close to him as possible. There were lots of nurses in and out of his room, but we knew that was to be expected. But at about 10:45, things definitely started picking up and there was lots of discussion about blood pressure, oxygen levels, and heart rate. One of the cardiologists ordered an Echo and immediately saw some concerns with the fill of his heart. With his low blood pressure and low O2 levels, the cardiologist was concerned and placed a call to Coltons surgeons. Coltons surgeons agreed that something wasn't right and drove to the hospital immediately. 

It was determined that Colton would like need to be put on a bypass machine to help his heart take off some of the load so it could heal. It was a very fast and scary process but the doctors successfully placed the machine on Coltons body. They assured us that this was best for him and that in 24-48 hours, we would have a better idea of what Coltons heart would do. 

Joe and I attempted to sleep, but it was nearly impossible. The next morning at rounds, the surgeons once again said they were happy with the decision to place him on the machine, but were confident with the TOF repair. We left to go to get some sleep at the Family House. We lasted about 5 hours before we were itching to get back! When we returned, they told us he had a great day and were very pleased! We stayed to watch the cubs game with Colton, but after the 2nd inning, it was too painful so we decided Colton didn't need to hear that! :) 

The plan for Thursday was to have an echo first thing in the morning and if all looked good, he would start the process of taking him off the bypass machine. We asked all of you to once again cover him with prayer, and we specifically asked God to let Colton come off the machine when his heart was ready. 

When we arrive back to the hospital this morning, we were cautiously optimistic as they began the echo.  They turned off the machine and watched his heart work. But as they were looking, they noticed that his heart was still a little weaker than they wanted. However, the surgeon and the cardiologist said how impressed they were with how much better his heart was functioning. They said he would do well off of it, but since he had only been on one day, they wanted to give him one more day to rest up. His swelling has gone down significantly and he's starting to look more and more like our little man! 

So we once again wait. God works like that...or at least he has throughout this whole process. We had to wait for God to lead us to adoption after trying for 2 years, we had to wait to be chosen by LITERALLY the perfect birth mom, we had to wait for the surgery to fix him, and now we wait for him to tell us when he's ready. So friends, as you think about why God is making you wait, I encourage you to pray that God helps to give you a sense of peace that only He can provide. I want more than anything to see my baby's eyes and hear his coo, but I know that Gods perfect plan is working and while it's not what I want or on my timing, it's perfect nonetheless. 

I want to share with you the entire reason i wrote this post. I've written about it before and I know I will write about it again but prayer is such a powerful tool and over the past 24-36 hours I have seen it work in amazing ways. On Tuesday literally hundreds of people lifted Colton in prayer and I know that's why his surgery was so successful! Our youth pastor brought Colton a "Prayer Puppy" on Tuesday to help him know just how many people were praying for him. Later that night as we navigated the unfamiliar territory of placing him on bypass, I begged God not to take my baby from me. As we entered back into his room after the surgeons finished with putting him on the bypass machine, his Prayer Puppy was under his arm. Out of all of the wires and new tubes, that was what stood out. Our nurse said "I saw it sitting over on the chair and just felt that he needed it with him." She had no idea what it was or why it was there, but God did. So since Tuesday night, Colton has not let go of his Prayer Puppy. So as you pray, continue to think about how close that puppy is to his heart. Prayer works guys, keep praying and keep having faith that Colton will be back to himself sooner rather than later! We know that God hand picked this baby for our family, and that none of this is a surprise to Him. 

So will you please pray with us today that Coltons heart will rest today and be ready to come off ECMO tomorrow? Will you pray for guidance for the surgeons and for healing of his body as he weans off medicine and begins to wake up in the coming days? 

The Shield of Faith

August 29, 2015

On August 30, Joe and I were asked to share about the Shield of Faith and how we used it to help us along our adoption road. Little did we know that we would be in South Carolina during that sermon. I felt that God wanted me to share this with our church family, even when we weren't there. So many raw emotions.

This week Pastor Kevin asked us to share about how the Shield of Faith has shaped our journey to meet our son. 

It's ironic that God blessed us with Colton on Friday morning and that we are with him today instead of being with you all. There was a plan, you know? Induction Tuesday...time to prepare at home...yeah God works that way sometimes. 

We felt that God still wanted us to share our story and how the Shield of Faith brought us to this very moment. 

Ephesians 6:16 says:In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

God asks us to have faith and carry it with us at all times, because without it we are susceptible to doubt, deception, and defeat. 

Over the past two and a half years we have experienced all of the above as we prayed night after night, day after day, and month after month that God would bless us with a child of our own. Each night we would pray that he would equip us with the tools necessary to raise a God-fearing child that would follow His lead all the days of their life. Not a day went by that we didn't pray for our child. But every month that went by, those flaming arrows of the devil kept hitting us and we became doubtful and felt defeated. 

But God kept telling us, "Be still." So we tried. (And often failed) 

After many defeating moments and failed tests, we prayed that God would lead us to adoption if that was His plan for our family and on Thanksgiving Day 2014, God literally gave us the sign we were looking for. We knew that adoption was a road that was going to be tough and it wasn't going to be short but we knew that this is what God intended for our family. 

So we created our book that future birth parents would look at and we prayed over it. We prayed for the mother who would selflessly look at this book and the baby that she was carrying. We prayed that the baby would be healthy and happy, even if she didn't choose us. Each morning we would pray over our baby's crib that God would protect him and would bring him (or her) to us when the time was right. I (Tara) searched night and day for a birth family, because that's what everyone tells you to do. I gave myself anxiety because nothing was turning up and the doubt crept in again.

 But God said "Be still. I've got this." 

Meanwhile in South Carolina a mom was preparing her 3 children for a day at school when she began to feel sick. A doctors appointment a week later would confirm...she was pregnant and unsure of her future. She was alone in this world, just her and her kids and she knew that this baby needed a better life. 

So, despite many who told her to do the opposite, she chose to make a call to an adoption agency instead. 

She was quickly given over 25 profiles of adoptive families to look at. Before each one she would pray "God if this is the family, show me." And after each one He kept saying "I've got something better." She went through all 25 profiles and found nobody she liked. Soon she would go to the doctor to find out her son has a congenital heart defect. She felt more alone than ever. 

 But God said "Be still. I've got this." 

So she waited. She struggled, but she waited. She talked to God each night and she felt God tell her, "this is a special baby. I've got big things in store for him." But she felt defeated because she knew she couldn't provide him with what he needed. So she prayed  every night. 

The following week she received a call that an adoptive family was interested. She told herself "if this isn't the family, I'm going to have to try to raise him but I know this isn't what you want Lord." 

 But God said "Be still. Have faith. I've got this."

So she agreed to look at the profile. The last profile she would look at. July 6th was the day. 

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I remember waking up thinking "Lord this is our yes, if it's yours too, then let it be. If it isn't meant to be, please soften my heart for this blow." 

On July 6th, 2015 our profile was shown for the first and last time. She said the minute she opened our book that she knew we were the ones. 

Today I had the opportunity to sit down and talk with *** about her life and her family and learned of the awful things she has gone through during her life. But she told me "I may not be a church girl but God and I are close. He knows me and I know him. I know it's all led to this." 

She told me that she felt God continue to tell her "have faith, trust me." So she did. Her exact words today were "God chose Mary to carry his most precious gift in the world. But Mary had to give Jesus to the world because the world needed him. I feel like God chose me to carry one of my most precious gifts and he needs me to give him to you so that you can help him be all that he should be in this world. And I know it's going to be okay because God told me so." 

The Shield of Faith helps to protect us from the flaming arrows of the evil one. We pray that our children will grow up with their armor in tact and that it will be strong. We pray that we, as parents, will help them polish that armor and make it solid. But we also pray that their lives will be committed to God. Colton's and all of our children's lives, whether here or just a thought, have already been planned. Their paths are laid out for them by the One who put the stars in the sky. How amazingly awesome is that? He knows the (curly) hairs on their head and the freckles on their noses. We just need the faith to trust their lives to him. 

I've never been more sure of anything in my life. God has orchestrated this adoption from start to finish and he's got more in store for us. Tonight I hugged the woman who gave my child life and she hugged the one who will help him live it. 

Tomorrow (today for all of you) is the day she will leave the hospital without him. And although she knows this is Gods plan, it doesn't make it easier. So will you all please lift her up today, that she will have the Shield of Faith to trust his life to us? 

Joe and I are in love beyond words. I hope you all enjoy his beautiful cheeks and full head of hair like we do. He's truly a gift from God. 

Oh and cyndy...2015 girl!!!!!!