Dear Future Birth Mom,
Happy Mother's Day! We haven't met yet and only God knows when exactly that will be. But today, on a day that we celebrate moms, I felt it was only appropriate to write you this letter.
Mother's Day has come with mixed feelings over the past few years. I am so grateful for the moms in my life, but I have also felt that something was missing. I truly believe that something is you.
You see, you are the one that will make me a mother worth celebrating. So today, I want you to know that I celebrate you; all that you are, all that you will be, and the ultimate gift that will someday be ours to share.
Someday our paths will cross and we will forever be stitched together by a human being that we both love so much. Someone that will carry parts of each of us with them forever.
I want you to know that you are at the top of my prayer list each and every morning and that will never change. I pray for strength for you; strength in your decision to choose adoption, strength to get through the days after our child is no longer in your arms. I pray for direction; that God will lead you to us when the time is right and I pray for our relationship; that we will always love on each other and our child.
I pray that we will always celebrate this day together, even if it may never be in person and that our child will always know just how much their moms loved them.
It's hard to put into words just how much I love you and how much you mean to our family. I hope that someday I will get to show you just how much your gift means to us. But in the meantime, I will continue to pray for you, for your family, and for our child.
Thank you, to the moon and back, for the gift that you will give us...that will make me a mom, something that for so long I didn't know was even possible.
I don't know when you will get to read this, when we will meet or talk, or begin our family together, but know that you are loved...so loved and always will be. So today as I celebrate all of the moms in my life, I also celebrate you, dear birth mom.
Love,
Tara
To our Birth Mom on Mother's Day
Friday, May 1, 2015
I am going to start a weekly blog post that reflects on God's faithfulness throughout the week-a chance for me to look back on what God has specifically done for me this week. I encourage you to do the same!
My first Faithful Friday y'all:
1- Background checks are back!
If you've talked to me in the past month- you know what a huge relief this is! About a month ago we received notification from our agency that my background check was either rejected or refused or lost in translation (ironic considering my occupation and that the extent of my "criminal" background is a speeding ticket 4 years ago)-but I digress- either way I had to go get fingerprinted.When we began this process we were adament on getting our paperwork completed quickly, so you can imagine my frustration upon finding this out 3 months after the fact. But I did it regardless.
So we prayed for a quick turnaround-as the average time it takes the state is usually 8-12 weeks. We received word on Monday that both background checks were back and approved! Praise the Lord!
What does this mean? Not only can we present to potential birth moms-we can bring a baby home should the opportunity present itself! :)
2- First get together with my team!
I have been coaching cheer at my Alma mater for 6 years now and it has its ups and downs but I love it! I prayed a great deal about the direction God has wanted me to take regarding continuing to coach and it's been clear that I am where I need to be. We got together on Tuesday for an open gym practice and an overwhelming sense of joy overcame me. I am so thankful for the opportunity to coach and impact high schoolers, all while doing the sport I love!3-High school reunion plans are underway!
10 years/ Holy smokes when did I get old?4-Adoption Garage Sale Fundraiser
I will eventually write an entire post on this but-Holy guacamole is the Lord faithful! Joe and I had a crazy idea about two months ago to hold a donation sale to attempt to raise some $$ to cover fees. We put the word out and prayed that our family and friends would consider us as they did some spring cleaning. We were not even remotely prepared for the outpouring of love and support through donations we have received! I lost track of the number of families contributing around 25! People have willingly and joyfully emptied their closets, basements, and storage units to help us-to eventually bring our baby home-to help someone none of us even know!How amazing is that?
5-18 days left of school!
Don't get me wrong-I LOVE my job-but there's no tired like end of the year teacher tired!I always have a hard time sending my kiddos on but they're ready! Bring on summer!!
6- Running
I've picked up running again-mainly because I've set this crazy goal that I want to run a half marathon-which is 13.1 miles. I'm currently at almost two...without stopping...without dying! It's a big goal but I can honestly say that I am enjoying running. I'm so thankful for two feet that allow me to see God's beautiful creation in such an awesome way!Dear hopeful mama...
Note: Someone shared this post entitled Dear moms of Adopted Children on my mom's Facebook page yesterday and it deeply touched me. While I am not yet a mom, I feel as close as I've ever gotten. It also got me thinking about the road that led me here.
Yes, you...the one who is stuck at a crossroads, who isn't understanding why God is letting this happen to you-I see you.
I see you-because I was you.
I see you at the grocery store-discreetly placing ovulation kits in your cart, under the cereal boxes just in cause you run into a person you know. I see you throwing an Early Pregnancy Test in the cart-just in case, all while telling yourself not to get your hopes up.
I see you checking your fertility tracker on your iPhone, checking for the blooming flowers, or the hatching egg, or the star-or whatever silly thing they came up to make this process "cute." I see you going through the every other day cycle-because that's "what they say is healthy- whoever "they" are.
I see you feeling every twinge, every sneeze, every heightened sense as you wonder "is this a symptom?" I see you checking it on the computer, as you read the forums that tell you "it could be" or it probable isn't." Yet you still hold on to the chance that "it is."
I cry with you as your cycle starts again and rears it's ugly head-as you have to return to the store that you were just at a few weeks ago-only now you have to walk by the EPTs and the ovulation kits to purchase tampon instead.
I count with you as the cycle repeats and you have to count the days until you can "try again"...two week increments-that's how it works, isn't it?
I cry with you as your friend from college, your cousin, and the girl from work all announce their pregnancy on the same day-you know they've "been trying" for a month, maybe two. I see you as you try not to let the jealous and bitter feeling sweep over you yet again. "Must be nice" you think.
I pray with you as you beg God for answers-ask Him "why me God?" tell him "I'll do anything" to be a mom-because you really will.
I see you as you research "ways to increase fertility" and spend hundreds of dollars on "all natural" vitamins and supplements. I see you as you muster down that grapefruit juice or that pineapple core, because they say it helps with implantation. I see you as you try everything in the book because "if it works" it'll be worth it.
I wish I could hold your hand as you lie on that ultrasound table month after month-waiting for answers, as you think about all of the women that have laid on that table and heard their baby's heartbeat-and those that did not, you wonder will that ever be me? I wish I could be there as you get poked and prodded and your blood is drawn just to "check your levels." Maybe someday you'll get to be the one at the office holding their belly-anxiously counting down the weeks until you meet your little one...but then again, maybe not-you wonder.
I see you dreading to check the mail because you know that medical bill is waiting-and that it is overdue. Send it to collections-we don't have the $2,500 to cover the blood work, the hormone test, and the ultrasound and insurance doesn't cover it because you've been given the label of "infertility."
I hear you say "in God's timing" or lie "we aren't ready just yet" when people, coworkers, family members ask that dreaded question "when's your turn?"
I see you thinking you're alone-thinking you must be the only person in the universe going through this now.
I see you-because I was you. And you, my friend, sweet Child of God who is Fearfully and Wonderfully made-are brave-you are strong-and you are NOT alone!
Thousands of women have traveled this path before you-and thousands will after you. And while that doesn't seem to help now-it will...eventually.
Nothing I say will make your hurt go away-but I want you to know I pray for you each morning, you are loved, and you will one day look back on this journey-at these months, these years-and thank God for this road because it made you who you are.
Keep praying-keep reading his word. Dig deep into yourself to find the person that God is making you into. Remember "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."
Sincerely,
Hopeful mama
Dear hopeful mama,
Yes, you...the one who is stuck at a crossroads, who isn't understanding why God is letting this happen to you-I see you.
I see you-because I was you.
I see you at the grocery store-discreetly placing ovulation kits in your cart, under the cereal boxes just in cause you run into a person you know. I see you throwing an Early Pregnancy Test in the cart-just in case, all while telling yourself not to get your hopes up.
I see you checking your fertility tracker on your iPhone, checking for the blooming flowers, or the hatching egg, or the star-or whatever silly thing they came up to make this process "cute." I see you going through the every other day cycle-because that's "what they say is healthy- whoever "they" are.
I see you feeling every twinge, every sneeze, every heightened sense as you wonder "is this a symptom?" I see you checking it on the computer, as you read the forums that tell you "it could be" or it probable isn't." Yet you still hold on to the chance that "it is."
I cry with you as your cycle starts again and rears it's ugly head-as you have to return to the store that you were just at a few weeks ago-only now you have to walk by the EPTs and the ovulation kits to purchase tampon instead.
I count with you as the cycle repeats and you have to count the days until you can "try again"...two week increments-that's how it works, isn't it?
I cry with you as your friend from college, your cousin, and the girl from work all announce their pregnancy on the same day-you know they've "been trying" for a month, maybe two. I see you as you try not to let the jealous and bitter feeling sweep over you yet again. "Must be nice" you think.
I pray with you as you beg God for answers-ask Him "why me God?" tell him "I'll do anything" to be a mom-because you really will.
I see you as you research "ways to increase fertility" and spend hundreds of dollars on "all natural" vitamins and supplements. I see you as you muster down that grapefruit juice or that pineapple core, because they say it helps with implantation. I see you as you try everything in the book because "if it works" it'll be worth it.
I wish I could hold your hand as you lie on that ultrasound table month after month-waiting for answers, as you think about all of the women that have laid on that table and heard their baby's heartbeat-and those that did not, you wonder will that ever be me? I wish I could be there as you get poked and prodded and your blood is drawn just to "check your levels." Maybe someday you'll get to be the one at the office holding their belly-anxiously counting down the weeks until you meet your little one...but then again, maybe not-you wonder.
I see you dreading to check the mail because you know that medical bill is waiting-and that it is overdue. Send it to collections-we don't have the $2,500 to cover the blood work, the hormone test, and the ultrasound and insurance doesn't cover it because you've been given the label of "infertility."
I hear you say "in God's timing" or lie "we aren't ready just yet" when people, coworkers, family members ask that dreaded question "when's your turn?"
I see you thinking you're alone-thinking you must be the only person in the universe going through this now.
I see you-because I was you. And you, my friend, sweet Child of God who is Fearfully and Wonderfully made-are brave-you are strong-and you are NOT alone!
Thousands of women have traveled this path before you-and thousands will after you. And while that doesn't seem to help now-it will...eventually.
Nothing I say will make your hurt go away-but I want you to know I pray for you each morning, you are loved, and you will one day look back on this journey-at these months, these years-and thank God for this road because it made you who you are.
Keep praying-keep reading his word. Dig deep into yourself to find the person that God is making you into. Remember "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."
Sincerely,
Hopeful mama
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