I honestly don't even know where to begin with this post. I've waited over two years to write it and now that I sit down to share it with you, I have no words.

August 28, 2015 2:38am my phone rings waking me out of a deep slumber. The phone number was unrecognizable and I was certain this was THE call. I froze, I knew it was her and I let the phone continue to ring because I was in shock. 

A text message came through almost immediately. "BAbies coming!" I woke Joe up and said "omg she's in labor! What do we do?" 

Now let's pause for a second and take a moment to think about that last question. We all know how Type A/over planned I was for this moment and I was the one asking "what do we do?" Lordy bee- 

Joe says "we get up and leave honey." Oh my stars, today was the day. 

I felt the need to shower while Joe packed the car. Thankfully we had spent the last week packing so we only had last minute things to put in suitcases. 

At 3:20am we pulled out of our driveway on the most important road trip of our lives. I think I spent the first hour or two of the trip crying and praying-praying for her safety, for his safety, that we would miraculously make it there. 

An hour later at 4:21am I got the first picture of my son. He was born at 4:15am central time, 5:15am eastern time. 

He was perfect in every way and I was immediately in love. The next 10 hours seemed like it lasted all day. Luckily it was a pretty drive and my husband knows exactly how to pass the time in the car. 

We prayed, we praised, and tried to enjoy our last few moments as a family of two. Ironically (is there really such a thing?), the song that played as we crossed the SC border was 

"And I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm"

God is so good. 

We finally pulled up to the hospital at 4:25pm eastern time. We walked in to the hospital and headed to the 6th floor where we would meet the woman who would make us parents. 

We were all nervous meeting each other but we soon clicked and knew this was a match made in Heaven (truly). Then it was time to meet our boy who would be staying in the NICU for monitoring due to his Congenital Heart Defect. We had to wait for the social worker to come get us, which seemed like it took forever but she soon led us to the doors of the NICU where we washed our hands and simply waited. I remember one of the nurses saying "you're so close, you don't even know how close you are." 

Soon enough the doors opened and we were escorted to the warmer where our son laid, which happened to be right inside the door. 

Words cannot describe the feelings that I had as I looked at him for the first time. All of those emotions are flooding back right now as I write this. He was hooked up to many monitors, which tracked his heart rate, his oxygen, and other vitals but he was so beautiful. 

We weren't able to hold him right away but we touched him and kissed him and told him how loved he was. To be honest, it was an out of body experience. There were probably 8-10 other people around watching us meet him and everyone was in tears. It was truly the best moment of my life. 

Colton Joseph 

6lbs. 12.2oz

18 3/4 in. 

08/28/15 5:15am 

Suddenly all of the heartache over the past two and a half years, all of the needles, the tests, the single pink lines, the tears were all worth it. All of it was forgotten because my heart became whole. 

Later that night we were able to feed him for the first time and he opened his eyes for us. My sister was able to drive up from Gulf Shores and I was so grateful to have her there to meet her nephew. 

I can't wait to share with you the rest of our story. There's so much to share. 

Tomorrow he will be 3 weeks old and I can't imagine loving him more, but each day it seems to happen. 

Thank you Lord. Thank you. 

Finding the Beauty in the Wait

Hello again!

Let me first start off by apologizing for my absence here. I've been busy enjoying this roller coaster ride called life but I have not forgotten about you! I love blogging and have been working on several things, but I'm just not ready to share them yet. Summer is halfway over and before I know it I will be returning back to school to start my 7th....yes 7th year of teaching! My first group of kiddos will be 8th graders this year and that blows my mind! Joe and I are enjoying our time together and are soaking up every little bit of summer that's left! So here's what I have for you today:

Can I just begin by saying "thank you?" Of course I can, this is my blog so I can do what I want :) I want to say thank you to all of you who are continually praying for our sweet little family, for those that reach out for a hug just when I need it most, and for those that continue to spread our story around. God is working on our book right now and each of you are part of the pages He is writing and I couldn't be more thankful!

Unfortunately, I don't have a great deal of news to share with you...we are still waiting.

Last summer I wrote about the season of waiting I was experiencing which included tests, blood draws, ultrasounds, and far too many single pink lines and late night cries then I can count. My heart was hurting and I was beginning to doubt if I was going to be a mom at all.

For those of you that are reading this that are at that point in your journey...where you just can't seem to find the joy in daily life, I see you. I may not know you, but our God knows you and He hears you, even if it feels like He doesn't.

While my waiting is a little different one year later, it hasn't gotten any easier. I am still waiting to hold my precious baby in my arms, waiting to make a midnight bottle, waiting to rush into his/her room in the wee hours of the morning to console a cry, waiting to be called "mama."

I would be lying if I told you that this was easy, that I was doing okay, that I didn't cry at least once a week as I long to find answers, that adoption and our sweet baby wasn't on my mind each and every minute of every day.

I would be lying if I told you that I haven't considered taking out a second mortgage on our home or selling everything inside it to sign on with a larger agency so we could hold our baby faster.

I would be lying if I told you that I didn't spend time in our nursery each day, dreaming about what it will be like when laughter and cries finally fill the room.

But just like God always does, He has reminded me of the incredible beauty that comes when we wait on His timing.

My "type A" personality doesn't lend itself easily to a waiting period in which I am not in control. I've said it before and I've said it again, it's no coincidence that God is making me, Miss Plan Everything, wait for His timing.

I'm learning exactly what it means to surrender your mind, body, and spirit to the Lord. God is teaching me how to rely on Him as I navigate through this roller coaster adoption ride.

Each morning I look forward to meeting Him on my couch as I begin my quiet time and each morning it's as if He knew exactly what I needed to hear. He's showing me each and every day that His plan, not mine, is greater than anything I could imagine.

I'm training for a half marathon because running is something that I've never enjoyed (sounds like a perfect reason to begin running for "fun", huh?) and I wanted to challenge myself. Running has become such an amazing gift not only for my body but for my spirit as well, as I'm seeing what I can do when I trust the body that God has given me.

As we wait, I'm seeing just how wonderful life can be when we trust the One who has given it to us.

So today, whether you are waiting on a baby, on a marriage, on a job, a house, an answer, or whatever God has laid on your heart, I encourage you to see what happens when you stop and enjoy the life that He has given you. God has placed us in our exact situation for a very specific purpose. The Man who has placed the stars in the very sky above us has hand picked us to be exactly where we are at this exact moment. The very One who was crucified and resurrected 3 days later knows us by name and knows exactly where we are going and when.

So, while it may be the hardest thing you or I has ever done, trust in Him. Is it easy? Absolutely not! Will God answer your prayers or give you what you want right here, right now? My guess is no, but my hope is that you too will see beauty in the wait.

Side note: I've never heard this song before, but is began playing on my Pandora as I finished this post today. See...He's got this!

To our Birth Mom on Mother's Day

Dear Future Birth Mom,

Happy Mother's Day! We haven't met yet and only God knows when exactly that will be. But today, on a day that we celebrate moms, I felt it was only appropriate to write you this letter.

Mother's Day has come with mixed feelings over the past few years. I am so grateful for the moms in my life, but I have also felt that something was missing. I truly believe that something is you.

You see, you are the one that will make me a mother worth celebrating. So today, I want you to know that I celebrate you; all that you are, all that you will be, and the ultimate gift that will someday be ours to share.

Someday our paths will cross and we will forever be stitched together by a human being that we both love so much. Someone that will carry parts of each of us with them forever.

I want you to know that you are at the top of my prayer list each and every morning and that will never change. I pray for strength for you; strength in your decision to choose adoption, strength to get through the days after our child is no longer in your arms. I pray for direction; that God will lead you to us when the time is right and I pray for our relationship; that we will always love on each other and our child.

I pray that we will always celebrate this day together, even if it may never be in person and that our child will always know just how much their moms loved them.

It's hard to put into words just how much I love you and how much you mean to our family. I hope that someday I will get to show you just how much your gift means to us. But in the meantime, I will continue to pray for you, for your family, and for our child.

Thank you, to the moon and back, for the gift that you will give us...that will make me a mom, something that for so long I didn't know was even possible.

I don't know when you will get to read this, when we will meet or talk, or begin our family together, but know that you are loved...so loved and always will be. So today as I celebrate all of the moms in my life, I also celebrate you, dear birth mom.

Love,
Tara

Faithful Friday

All too often we get wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of life and don't take the time to sit down and truly reflect on the faithfulness of our Lord and Savior.

I am going to start a weekly blog post that reflects on God's faithfulness throughout the week-a chance for me to look back on what God has specifically done for me this week. I encourage you to do the same!

My first Faithful Friday y'all:

1- Background checks are back!

If you've talked to me in the past month- you know what a huge relief this is! About a month ago we received notification from our agency that my background check was either rejected or refused or lost in translation (ironic considering my occupation and that the extent of my "criminal" background is a speeding ticket 4 years ago)-but I digress- either way I had to go get fingerprinted.

When we began this process we were adament on getting our paperwork completed quickly, so you can imagine my frustration upon finding this out 3 months after the fact. But I did it regardless.

So we prayed for a quick turnaround-as the average time it takes the state is usually 8-12 weeks. We received word on Monday that both background checks were back and approved! Praise the Lord!

What does this mean? Not only can we present to potential birth moms-we can bring a baby home should the opportunity present itself! :)

2- First get together with my team!

I have been coaching cheer at my Alma mater for 6 years now and it has its ups and downs but I love it! I prayed a great deal about the direction God has wanted me to take regarding continuing to coach and it's been clear that I am where I need to be. We got together on Tuesday for an open gym practice and an overwhelming sense of joy overcame me. I am so thankful for the opportunity to coach and impact high schoolers, all while doing the sport I love!

3-High school reunion plans are underway!

10 years/ Holy smokes when did I get old?

4-Adoption Garage Sale Fundraiser

I will eventually write an entire post on this but-Holy guacamole is the Lord faithful! Joe and I had a crazy idea about two months ago to hold a donation sale to attempt to raise some $$ to cover fees. We put the word out and prayed that our family and friends would consider us as they did some spring cleaning. We were not even remotely prepared for the outpouring of love and support through donations we have received! I lost track of the number of families contributing around 25! People have willingly and joyfully emptied their closets, basements, and storage units to help us-to eventually bring our baby home-to help someone none of us even know!

How amazing is that?

5-18 days left of school!

Don't get me wrong-I LOVE my job-but there's no tired like end of the year teacher tired!

I always have a hard time sending my kiddos on but they're ready! Bring on summer!!

6- Running

I've picked up running again-mainly because I've set this crazy goal that I want to run a half marathon-which is 13.1 miles. I'm currently at almost two...without stopping...without dying! It's a big goal but I can honestly say that I am enjoying running. I'm so thankful for two feet that allow me to see God's beautiful creation in such an awesome way!

Dear hopeful mama...

Note: Someone shared this post entitled Dear moms of Adopted Children on my mom's Facebook page yesterday and it deeply touched me. While I am not yet a mom, I feel as close as I've ever gotten. It also got me thinking about the road that led me here.

Dear hopeful mama,

Yes, you...the one who is stuck at a crossroads, who isn't understanding why God is letting this happen to you-I see you.

I see you-because I was you.

I see you at the grocery store-discreetly placing ovulation kits in your cart, under the cereal boxes just in cause you run into a person you know. I see you throwing an Early Pregnancy Test in the cart-just in case, all while telling yourself not to get your hopes up.

I see you checking your fertility tracker on your iPhone, checking for the blooming flowers, or the hatching egg, or the star-or whatever silly thing they came up to make this process "cute." I see you going through the every other day cycle-because that's "what they say is healthy- whoever "they" are.

I see you feeling every twinge, every sneeze, every heightened sense as you wonder "is this a symptom?" I see you checking it on the computer, as you read the forums that tell you "it could be" or it probable isn't." Yet you still hold on to the chance that "it is."

I cry with you as your cycle starts again and rears it's ugly head-as you have to return to the store that you were just at a few weeks ago-only now you have to walk by the EPTs and the ovulation kits to purchase tampon instead.

I count with you as the cycle repeats and you have to count the days until you can "try again"...two week increments-that's how it works, isn't it?

I cry with you as your friend from college, your cousin, and the girl from work all announce their pregnancy on the same day-you know they've "been trying" for a month, maybe two. I see you as you try not to let the jealous and bitter feeling sweep over you yet again. "Must be nice" you think.

I pray with you as you beg God for answers-ask Him "why me God?" tell him "I'll do anything" to be a mom-because you really will.

I see you as you research "ways to increase fertility" and spend hundreds of dollars on "all natural" vitamins and supplements. I see you as you muster down that grapefruit juice or that pineapple core, because they say it helps with implantation. I see you as you try everything in the book because "if it works" it'll be worth it.

I wish I could hold your hand as you lie on that ultrasound table month after month-waiting for answers, as you think about all of the women that have laid on that table and heard their baby's heartbeat-and those that did not, you wonder will that ever be me? I wish I could be there as you get poked and prodded and your blood is drawn just to "check your levels." Maybe someday you'll get to be the one at the office holding their belly-anxiously counting down the weeks until you meet your little one...but then again, maybe not-you wonder.

I see you dreading to check the mail because you know that medical bill is waiting-and that it is overdue. Send it to collections-we don't have the $2,500 to cover the blood work, the hormone test, and the ultrasound and insurance doesn't cover it because you've been given the label of "infertility."

I hear you say "in God's timing" or lie "we aren't ready just yet" when people, coworkers, family members ask that dreaded question "when's your turn?"

I see you thinking you're alone-thinking you must be the only person in the universe going through this now.

I see you-because I was you. And you, my friend, sweet Child of God who is Fearfully and Wonderfully made-are brave-you are strong-and you are NOT alone!

Thousands of women have traveled this path before you-and thousands will after you. And while that doesn't seem to help now-it will...eventually.

Nothing I say will make your hurt go away-but I want you to know I pray for you each morning, you are loved, and you will one day look back on this journey-at these months, these years-and thank God for this road because it made you who you are.

Keep praying-keep reading his word. Dig deep into yourself to find the person that God is making you into. Remember "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."

Sincerely,
Hopeful mama

National Infertility Awareness Week: A Different Feeling

This week (April 19-25th) is National Infertility Awareness Week, which is a movement sponsored by RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association to help spread awareness about infertility in the US. To celebrate this week and bring awareness to something that has played a huge role in my life, I will be posting often about my journey with infertility, my thoughts on this disease, and my prayer for those in the midst of this lifelong struggle.

Did you know that infertility affects 1 in 8 couples?

When we set out on the journey to start our family 25 months ago, we had no idea the road that was ahead of us. We had no idea the trials and tribulations that would come with this time in our lives. We were completely unaware that infertility affected so many lives and that we would be part of those statistics.

Did you know that over 6.7 million women, ages 15-44 have impaired ability to get pregnant or carry a baby to term (that's 6% of all women in that age group)?

It's a tough pill to swallow. I began this blog (Month 10) after we had been trying for a little under a year and the hurt that I experienced during that first year was real and raw and rocked me to my core. I asked questions like "why me?" and questioned God's every move.

I remember looking at the paperwork at the doctor's office when they first referred me to get blood work done to check my hormones... "infertile" read the reasoning at the top. It was the first time I had actually considered that I might not be a mom. It took my breath away to read those words on that paper, it was like a big ugly monster staring back at me, mocking me and laughing in my face. It was a label I didn't ask for and one that I refused to define me. But I let it...I let it get the best of me at times. But let's be honest, how could it not? As a woman, my body was made to carry a child and the fact that my body was not allowing me to do that, felt like I was not a woman at all. I felt incapable of doing something that seemed so easy for so many. And as I watched the people around me become pregnant and have happy and healthy pregnancies, I couldn't help but question why my body hated me and why God chose this path for our family.

My heart breaks with the over 6 million women are feeling or have felt those exact same feelings, with the women that will face infertility in the next year, and those that are still seeking answers along their journey.

But today I am also filled with a different feeling. This week one year ago, I went to the doctor for the first time and was given that mean, ugly, label of "infertile" and I saw it as a death sentence. Over the past two years I have struggled to come to terms with the plan that God has given me. In fact, a year ago at this time I was pretty angry at life, angry at those around me that didn't seem to know (or care), angry at God for allowing this to happen to me, and mad at myself for feeling so angry in general. There have been times I have screamed at God, I have cried crocodile tears into my pillow countless nights, and I have rejoiced in small victories along the way. But as I look back on this journey of infertility and how it has changed me (What my Battle with Infertility Taught Me about Myself), I am so grateful for this exact path that God has laid before me. He always knows what He is doing, and I am a poster child for wanting to control His each and every move but His plan is perfection.

You see, each and every tear, each and every doctor's appointment, each and every prayer and plea, each and every victory along the way has led me to this exact moment. This moment where I feel complete peace and joy in the journey. The moment where I know that I will be a mom.

We have chosen adoption for our family...well really adoption chose us and perhaps that's the reason I feel such joy but I know that adoption has a whole new twisty path for us. I know that it's going to be tough and that there will be heartache along the way. But I also know that my God is a Big God who answers prayers and who has never let me down. And I know that He's got this battle too.

Statistics from: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/infertility.htm

What My Battle With Infertility Taught Me About Myself

My battle with infertility started long before I knew it. In fact, I don't even know when it started to be honest or if it's even a thing. If you recall (The Calling to Adopt), I gave God an ultimatum...give us a sign. And he did! (The Answer) So we never really looked into it any more. We felt that God's plan was for us to adopt and not to conceive a child naturally at this time, so we followed!

But that doesn't mean that the path wasn't hard and that it didn't change me. It did exactly that...changed me, for the better.

Romans 8:18 tells us "The pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming."

This was one of the many verses that I mediated on while I was walking this path that I know God had laid out for me.

When you are going through something difficult, people have a hard time knowing what to say, but one of the things I heard over and over again was "this is all part of God's plan." And do you know what I wanted to do when I heard that?...smack someone because that is NOT what you want to hear. You don't want to hear that God is putting you through something awful because it's part of His plan.

But...it's the truth.

And I learned a lot about myself in the process, here are 4 things I learned while battling infertility:

1-I have a kick-butt husband:

Like seriously? Can I get a ROUND OF APPLAUSE for my amazing husband? He has been an amazing partner though all of this and has hurt right along beside me. He was my "go to guy" when it came to venting...and crying...and complaining...and freaking out and he always knew what to say. Most of all, he stuck by me when I needed him most. I recently read a study that said that couples who struggle with infertility are 3x more likely to get a divorce than those who haven't. That's HUGE! This could have ripped us apart and it did just the opposite. So thank you, babe for being there with me through all of this and more! And I guess you're stuck with me now..sorry Charlie!

2-I am fearfully and wonderfully made:

I remember one Sunday after I posted this: Why does she get babies? on Facebook, the amazing women of my church yanked me from my pew and encircled me in prayer at the front altar. I cried as their words flooded my ears and filled my heart. Cyndy read Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know that full well." God had a plan for my life and was working on my insides before he could transform my outsides to be the mother He wanted me to be. His story is written on my heart and all I need to do is open it up and let Him write it out.

3- I am stronger than I thought I was:

Ain't that the truth? Not to toot my own horn...but anyone who has overcome an obstacle in life whether it be infertility, death, divorce, loss, or heartache, knows how hard it can be to wake up each and every morning and live your life...not just live it but live it. And while my sufferings might seem insignificant to some, I truly felt like I was at the lowest I could get. I'll be honest, there were days that I would wake up and find every excuse to not get out of bed, but I did it and I am so glad I did because I am so pleased with where I am in my life right now. I am way stronger than I ever thought I was. There were so may times I pleaded with God saying "I can't do this" and he would answer right back "Yes, yes you can...and you will" and I did.

4-I don't need a child to have a purpose in life:

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom. It was just part of my life plan; get engaged, get married, get a job, have kids, the end. So as I crossed things off of my "life list" that I had created in my head; I learned that things don't always go as planned. Did I plan to wait 5 years to get engaged? Nope...but thank you Joseph for making me wait and allowing me to see the value of a solid foundation of love prior to marriage. Did I plan to lose my sister-in-law 5 weeks before I walked down the aisle? Absolutely not, but it drew our family so close to each other and to God. You would think that I would have learned that God's plan is always greater but I didn't. There were times when I really and truly thought I would never be a mom and that devastated me.

When I kept getting the "not now" answer to my prayers, I grew incredibly impatient but God continued to tell me be still my child. And while I was "being still" he gave me a new purpose, or rather reminded me of my purpose all along.

He reminded me that I had 20 beautiful children waiting for me each and every day in the classroom that needed me. This was a year that He would not pull me away from the classroom because I had kids that needed me, my purpose was to be with them. He needed me to be by my sister's side as she said "I do" this past weekend.

And He needed to use me so that I could help others going through the same struggles. I started this blog well over a year and a half ago to help myself cope with this infertility battle. I didn't know if I would ever get to the point that I would share it with others, let alone the entire Facebook world. When God called us to begin sharing our story, I was so incredibly nervous to put this blog out there, but I am so glad I did. The outpouring of love and support has been amazing but even more amazing are the people that I've been able to talk to and love on along the way. God's purpose in this struggle was to give me a purpose that He and only He laid out for me.

Congrats to my sis and her hubby on tying the knot! This picture just about sums up my feelings about that day! :) 

Bringing Home Baby Loyer: Help us Find a Birth Mother!

"It takes a village" they say...and boy is our village AMAZING! Joe and I are overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support we have been given as we embark on this journey to parenthood through adoption. From your prayers to your monetary support to your encouragement with your words, we can't thank you enough!

Last week, we explored two ways that you can help us bring Baby Loyer home. Part 1 asked you to pray for us as we begin the seemingly long wait process. Part 2 asked you to step out on a ledge and prayerfully consider donating to our Butterfly Fundraiser.

Today we are going to explore Part 3-Help us Find a Birth Mother!

While we have chosen an agency and we absolutely love our social worker and everything about her, the wait time with working with such a small agency can be long...as in two years long. We are willing to wait for however long it takes for God to allow our paths to cross with our birth mother, but we also know that we have an AMAZING village and want to explore all of our options.

Enter-designated adoption. Designated adoption is when we meet a birth mother through mutual connections of family and friends. There is a major price difference when it comes to this route because we are doing the connecting as opposed to the agency providing all of the services.

For example:

Domestic Infant Adoption: $14,000

Designated Adoption: $7,000

So what can you do to help us find Baby Loyer?

1. Share our photo and adoption intentions on any social media site. 

• Example: Hey everyone, I know an amazing couple who is looking to expand their family through adoption. If you or anyone you know is interested, let me know! Thanks for sharing! 

2. Ask around about any adoption situations.

• Hospitals, birthing centers, etc are great resources

3. Continue to pray! 

• We know that God's plan will work out perfectly and that He has already chosen our sweet baby and amazing birth mom. We know that He will make things work out in His perfect timing but it doesn't make the wait time any easier. So please continue to pray for strength and patience during this process!

Thanks for being so amazing, village! Baby Loyer is so loved!

Bringing Baby Loyer Home (Part 2)-Butterflies

"You can chase a butterfly all over the field and never catch it. But if you sit quietly in the grass it will come and sit on your shoulder." -Author unknown

Butterflies have always been so important to our family and we knew that since we couldn't tell our guardian butterfly how excited we were about our calling to adopt, that we would somehow incorporate butterflies into the process.

Earlier this week (see part 1), we asked you guys to consider praying for us and we are feeling those prayers! Our home study is written and awaiting final documentation from the state and doors are opening like crazy! So THANK YOU!

Ya'll can I be honest with you just a little bit? This whole "adoption thing" is great and we are so thrilled to be doing God's work through adoption. However, we have to be honest when we say that it's not only draining physically and emotionally, but financially as well. To be honest, we held back at first because we didn't know if we could afford it. Type in "costs to adopt" in Google and the results will astound you! It. Is. Not. Cheap.

Joe and I have made some drastic life changes to begin saving for this new little bundle of joy that we will soon bring into this world but we know that we can't do it alone, no matter how hard we try. I remember the first person I talked to about the financial constraints of adoption; she told me "God will work it out. He will provide."

We have continually prayed for this process, including just where the finances will come from. But as we have constantly been reminded throughout this journey, God's got a plan and we are just along for this roller coaster ride. (Have I mentioned I hate roller coasters yet?) We are trusting that He will provide and we were hoping that you guys would consider helping us out.

We know that one of the beautiful blessing of adoption allows for us to bring Christ's love to others. In fact, in His word God reminds us that He has adopted each of us according to His will.

*Ephesians 1:5 says God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.

So can you all prayerfully consider helping us in this journey?

Here's how it works:

Enter Butterflies!

*We have purchased and punched 500 butterflies in the colors of Baby Loyer's nursery (pictures coming soon-we promise!

*Follow this link to be directed to our Go Fund Me account

*For every $20 donated to Baby Loyer, we will write your name and a message on a butterfly in the color of your choosing


As butterflies are sponsored, we will adhere them to the blank canvases we bought. These will be hung in Baby Loyer's room so that he or she will always know just how many people helped bring him or her home. (And that they have a special guardian butterfly looking over them constantly-thanks to their very special Aunt Lisa)

We are so excited to begin this process and jump with two feet in! We know that God has chosen our beautiful baby and it's only a matter of time before we are united! So until then, we will sit quietly in the field and wait for them to "land on our shoulder."

PS- As I type this "How great is our God" is playing on my Pandora...see He's got this ya'll!

Bringing Baby Loyer Home: Part 1-Pray for us!

This will be a three part blog post in which we will let you all know how you can help us bring Baby Loyer home!

The hardest part about the adoption process, according to those who have been there, is the wait. Like I said in earlier posts, we could wait for up to two years....yes, two years. And while we long to hold our baby in our arms, we also know that God has orchestrated this plan perfectly thus far and He won't let us down now!

We plan to fill this wait time with getaways, weddings, and celebrations of friends' babies. We also plan to become really active in the adoption community.

But ya'll, this is hard. We have already waited a mere two years to be parents and now you're telling me we could wait another two years? That's hard to swallow!

So will you please do us a favor?

Will you please cover us in prayer? We know that God's amazing plan is perfect in every way but we also know that it can be hard to sit back while God works out His plan.

We find so much comfort in knowing that God has already chosen our sweet baby and knows just when our paths will cross. He knows the color of his or her eyes, the color of their beautiful skin, the sound of their cry, and just how many hairs are on their head.

So will you please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we navigate through this long road ahead?

Thanks for all the kind words and statements of support! It takes a village, guys! Thanks for being our village!

Adoption Timeline

Hooray! It's officially official because it's not official until it's Facebook official! Am I right?!

We posted our announcement on Facebook on Saturday morning and were overwhelmed with the response and congratulations from family and friends!

This is also the first official post that many of you are seeing...feel free to take a look around at this amazing mess that has been two years in the making!

With the official announcement comes many questions about the process, what's next, and how to help. We are overjoyed to answer any and all questions that anyone has, but I'm going to try to lay out the next steps for ya'll.

Here goes nothing:

Loyer Adoption Timeline

November 2014- God answers our prayers for direction (Read about that here)

December 2014- Met with case worker at local agency...fell IN LOVE! (Read about that here)

January 19, 2015- Completed our Home Study:

On January 19, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, our case worker came to our house and met with us for five...yes five hours! She took a look at our home, which we spent days cleaning and organizing, asked us questions, and got to know us as a couple and as future parents. This is a BIG step ya'll, a HUGE part of the process. As in if we didn't pass this, it was all over, we would not be approved to adopt. Thankfully, we are awesome and were approved! Talk about a load off of our shoulders.

January 2015- Completed online classes for Foster Care License

We had to complete four online classes to be approved for our foster care license. (In the state of Illinois, we have to be approved as a foster care home because the adoption will not be final until 6 months after the baby is born). We laid in bed for several nights in a row listening and completing the online courses. They were really informative and helped answer some tough questions.

January 2015- Completed and Ordered our Adoption Profile books

Birth parents get to have the amazing opportunity to choose who they want to parent their child. So we have created a book, more like a scrapbook, that outlines who we are, what we believe in, and what opportunities we will give to a child. We had a great time making the book and it turned out perfectly! It will be up on the website for our agency soon so I'll make sure to share the link!

January 2015-Officially a waiting family

Now we wait...

The Calling to Adopt

When Joe and I first began to ponder and pray about the possibility of becoming parents through adoption, we continually read that it is a calling. Adoptive parents from across the world said the same thing "God called us to do this." I found that to be both a profound and disturbing statement at the time.

I felt called to teach when I was a freshman at Northern, wandering the campus after a rough day when a small boy at the campus day care told me to "have a great day."

I felt called to coach when the position opened up at the opportune time and my former cheer coach told me about it.

We felt called to buy our house after looking at no other houses, when we met the couple that lived there before us.

But called to adopt? We hadn't exactly felt that feeling quite yet.

Remember when I wrote about the power of prayer? Yeah, let's revisit that. I distinctively remember praying in the shower one morning (sorry it's where I do my best thinking) and crying out to God "where do you want me? where do I need to go from here?" Like I said before, it was the first time that I had truly surrendered everything to Him.

And guess what? He called us...He rang loud and clear and said THIS is what I want you to do!

It's such an amazing feeling to hear God speak to you. If you haven't heard Him speak, or haven't heard Him in a while, I would encourage you to surrender your thoughts and troubles to him and be still. He will answer. 

So here we are, knee deep in this "adoption thing" and I can't imagine us being anywhere else. I feel such a profound sense of peace and understanding at where I am supposed to be in life.

Do we have everything figured out? No way! Are we scared to death? You betcha! Major finances, wait time, placement, and our home study still lie ahead of us. But guess what? God's got this and we are so ready for this amazing ride!

Here is our official announcement! It was so much fun telling our family and friends! I am working on a fun video compilation of some of the pictures and videos I took when we told them. Stay tuned!

Catching Up: The First Meeting

So there we were, faced with this amazing calling; overwhelmed with a sense of peace we had yet to feel so far in this journey to become parents. We were ready for what God had in store for us next.

We spent a few weeks just taking it all in, doing lots of research and pinning on Pinterest. I had no clue where to begin but I felt so much encouragement and strength from our answered prayers that for the first time in over a year, I wasn't worried.

A mentor and amazing teacher from high school-turned friend had adopted shortly after I graduated and I sent her a random text one day asking for some contact information for the local agency she used. She was overjoyed (to say the least) and immediately sent over the info. Within hours we had an appointment set up for the first day of my Christmas break with an adoption case worker at a local agency.

We didn't know if this would be our first or our last stop at an agency but we knew that this was exactly where we were supposed to be and that the timing was perfect.

I picked Joe up from work and we made our way to the agencies office. We said a quick prayer together before we went in and walked hand in hand. We arrived at Julia's office just before lunch time and to say we were nervous would be an understatement.

She escorted us back to a conference room and we sat and talked. She asked us some questions but mostly she told us about the agency and what to expect. We had become pretty familiar with the adoption process through our research so it was nice to have that background knowledge prior to the meeting.

She gave us a stack; as in an expanding file folder full, of papers to fill out and read through and told us to contact her if we decide to fill them out. She said often she will meet with prospective parents and she won't hear from them for another few months.

Joe and I left there with great feelings but both had concerns over the wait time that she mentioned (up to 2 years) but we also know that God has given us the strength to wait this long and we know that He will provide in this situation as well.

We had lunch and I sent Joe back to work. In the meantime, I went home and slept. Just the thought of filling out that paperwork and waiting another two years had me all sorts of exhausted!

Catching Up: The Power of Prayer (Reflection)

Can I just tell you how hard it was to swallow what God had just called us to do? Adoption has always always always been something we had talked about doing. In fact, it's something we knew we wanted to do...after we were done "having kids."

Well it's just like God to laugh at our plans isn't it? Just as hard as it was to swallow the calling to adopt, it was incredibly exciting as well. Joe and I looked at each other and laughed because God not only answered our prayers, but slapped us in the face with the answer!

I have always been a "prayer," I pray every morning and always have. I know that prayer is powerful but I tell you right now that I had never truly felt the power of prayer until that moment. I don't ever remember feeling so close to God as I did at that very moment. As Christians we often feel that prayer will solve things, that prayer will fix things and in some ways it does but it also doesn't always change things the way that we have planned. Throughout this whole journey so many people have told me "God has a plan for you." I've recited Jeremiah 29:11 countless times but until I saw it actually working in my life, I did not truly understand why God was putting me through this. It's so easy to have the "why me" mentality when facing infertility and I was no exception. No matter how much I prayed or how much I said I was "giving it to God" I hadn't truly surrendered our lives and our situation to him until that week before that cold November morning.

For so long we prayed "just this one thing" God, this one thing...let us be parents. Let this month be the month, let this cycle be the one that works. But God had a different plant. All along he was preparing our hearts and our minds and our spirits to be parents...but not in the way we had planned.

So there we were...God's calling staring us in the face. 

Adoption is not for everyone. But it is for us and we would soon find out that God was ready far more than we were!

Catching Up: The Power of Prayer (The Answer)

So Joe and I began to pray. And guys I'm not just talking a "hey God, can I ask you something" kind of prayer. I'm talking about the kind of prayer that never left my tongue. The prayer that I was afraid to pray and afraid to surrender. Type A Tara was freaking out here.

I prayed each morning, in our spare bedroom (the room we had already chosen as a nursery someday), for an answer from God. I asked him...
-Where do you need me?
-What path do you want me to take?
-How do you want me to get there?
-How long will this take?
And the hardest question of all:
-Am I going to be a mom?

And y'all He responded. In a BIG way. Not that I ever doubted He would. As Christians, we know that God answers prayers. We know that He has a Plan despite any plans that we have made for ourselves. But let me tell you...nothing prepared Joe and I for what we were about to hear from our Maker.

Happy Thanksgiving 2014

Yes, that's us...outside...on Thanksgiving Day...in the snow...running. We had this crazy idea that we would run a 5K with the City of Bloomington on Thanksgiving Day which was all fine and dandy until we woke up on Thanksgiving and snow was falling from the sky. Being that I loved snow, we laced up our running shoes and bundled up for some early morning "fun" in the snow!

We survived...and I'll admit that it was incredibly fun! There were so many people there including dogs, kids, babies, and grandparents! We had a blast!

On the way home we were rushing back to shower and get ready to head to my parents' house for the day and we were joking about being the "crazy parents" that drag their kids out in this in years to come because we want to run. We always make a habit of talking about having kids not as a "what if" but more as a "when in the future" so this was a very normal conversation.

As we were talking and laughing about how our kids need to like snow, we pulled up to a stoplight at the corner of Morris and Market. Joe started slapping my arm "babe, babe, I think God heard us..."

In the words of Jeff Foxworthy....THERE's YOUR SIGN

Catching Up: The Power of Prayer (The Request)

Prayer has always been an important part of my life. Growing up my parents always encouraged my sister and I to go to God with our praises and requests. However, I never truly felt the power of prayer until this past November.

Allow me to catch you up...

We've been to the doctor and back yet again without any answers, next steps, or feelings of relief. Once again I leave with an empty feeling that only I have caused but that never seems to go away.

A few weeks ago I went in for a test that was incredibly personal and while I won't spare you the details, I will let you know that they "didn't find anything." You see, in the world of infertility, you almost pray that they do find something, anything. Because finding something means that something is wrong and can more than likely be fixed. This has yet to be the case for Joe and I. So here we are again, waiting for answers. They want me to go get my blood checked again, which I will gladly do but deep down I know that nothing will come of it. Surgery has also been a hot topic but there are so many risks and there is no guarantee that I actually need surgery. Infertility, especially unexplained infertility, is a road of "What ifs" and "let's try this" twists and turns which can often lead to dead ends or more winding roads.

Joe and I sat down this evening and asked the question that we've asked so many times over the last year and a half "so what do we do now?" Usually we talk about money, time, or logic. (Joe has a way with logic and it always seems to calm me.) Today, however, we didn't have any logic to explain or any reasoning to do. Joe simply said "I think this is a decision you need to make. It's your body." I cried, like I always do and he held me, like he always does and he said "let's just see where God takes us."

So here we are...asking God for answers. Where do we go from here?